One Year Later

I wrote this post last year and have been debating with myself whether or not to post it for months. It's personal, it's potentially embarrassing and very exposing for me. I've been inspired by various body confident women throughout my life, and what I am about to divulge to you is apart of the inspiration I have got and was my way of gaining my body confidence and positivity back.

So here it goes, grab a cuppa and some biscuits and enjoy the read.

DISCLAIMER: I recognise that surgery is not always the option for everyone, and ultimately not always the answer. However, this is my own experience with how surgery helped MY health and self-confidence. 

It's hard to deny the constant pressure that women and men face on a day to day basis to look a certain way. Yet, it's not only to look a certain way, it's also to wear certain clothes so you look trendy. And we even face the pressure to behave in the correct way so you "fit in" with societal conventions. We are constantly reminded of what we could look like, what we could have and what we could BE on social media. The rise in the lavish Instagram lifestyle has created a sort of toxic competition: who can be the best and look the best whilst doing it?

As a 21 year old woman, I have grown up on magazines full of beautiful, young, slim and flawless women. It's hard to remind yourself that yes it's okay too look like them. But it's also okay not to look like them, because half the time the women themselves don't truly look like that. Young teens and women are constantly reminded of what the ideal woman should look like. Looking good is the perfect double edged sword: if you go completely natural, you are shamed for "not taking pride in your appearance". But if you do wear make up, and you do wear fashionable clothes - you are ultimately also shamed for "trying too hard" and subcoming to society's expectations. 

A perfect example of this is Kylie Jenner. (EDIT: Remember I wrote this a last year, I know she's had a baby now) Kylie is well known for causing speculation on plastic surgery, first her lips - now dissolved- and whether she had a breast enlargement. I personally don't think plastic surgery is always the answer, Kylie is lucky she has the money to do things to her body if she want to. She was mocked for having small lips and mocked for having big lips. So how can you win?

However, there are so many amazing women out there who have had and have not have surgery and are constantly rocking it everyday. Felicity Hayward, Hannah Gale, Grace F Victory, Zoe London just to name a few. Sonny Turner for example, one of my favourite body positive models, fills her instagram full ways to be the most amazing and purest version of yourself you can be, by simply embracing yourself and your body. When Sonny had a breast reduction she inspired me to write this post to reveal my own personal experience with surgery and how it has completely changed my life. 

To follow on from this is why I'm writing this post. There is a large stigma against plastic surgery. People who have had plastic surgery are often labelled as vain, self obsessed and conceited. I'm not just talking about celebrities I'm talking about the everyday person who may or may not be ashamed to admit they had some work done. 

I recently had breast surgery. There I said it. I HAD A BOOB JOB. And I'm proper chuffed. 

I was 12 years old when I first noticed something was wrong with my boobs. I'll never forget the day I went into the bathroom and said to my mum that one of my boobs was bigger than the other. I was terrified. As a teenager we are still at a young age aware of the risks and possibility of cancer. For a brief moment I genuinely believed that was what it was, I was too scared and too embarrassed to go to the doctors. I was mainly embarrassed because my boobs were different. They weren't like everyone else's. Over time my mum convinced me to go to the doctors, they assured me it wasn't cancer or anything life threatening. It's not cancer but what is it? You're probably reading this thinking well everyone has this, no set of boobs is the same and one is always bigger than the other. Like eyebrows, boobs are sisters, not twins. Let me put my difference in perspective: it was like walking round with an orange on one side and a melon on the other. In the end my smaller breast was a cup size D and the other a cup size GG and growing everyday. So how was I going to change this? After regular doctors and hospital appointments spanning over 8 years I finally got my date. It was an extremely long process: as I was so young when it started I needed to grown into my body more before they even considered surgery. And finally at 20 I was preparing for breast surgery. 

As you can imagine this wasn't just an image issue for me. It was also bad for my health, where I was carrying extra weight on the left side of my body I would have back pain, exercise would be hard because I felt lopsided. And, anyone with boobs knows how hard any type of exercise is when you have two lumps of fat jumping around. I couldn't wear things I wanted to wear because it would make it obvious and I was not keen on anyone knowing for a long time due to embarrassment. Eventually the breast clinic gave me my first temporary prosthesis. It was like a very small pillow in a triangle shape that I could stuff with wodding and put in my bra to give the illusion I had symmetrical breasts. I then got a better prosthesis made of silicone, imagine a chicken fillet but bigger which even had a little nipple grove. It was lot more practical, I could wash it and just dry with a towel. The other I started using for swimming costumes and bikinis. I would never not go on holiday without it. Hiding it became very easy to me and second nature. 

Being at a university away from home I had to make sure this surgery wouldn't interfere with my studies. As a drama student was course is extremely physical and I couldn't be having major surgery in the middle of second year. I finished my exams and got a call from the hospital to say my surgery would be on the 25th May, I hadn't at that moment realised it was a week away. 8 years I had waited to get this sorted and it was only a week away. To say I was anxious was an understatement. The original plan was to have two separate surgeries. First of all they would place an implant in the smaller breast (right) and lift it. The second surgery would be a reduction and lift on the larger breast (left) to match the right side. But on the DAY of the first surgery we changed it completely. I was to only have one surgery: right reduction and left mastopexy (lift) which would leave me with cup size D breasts. I wasn't bothered about having big boobs, I had big boobs. Well, one. I got the t-shirt, I just wanted a 'normal' set. I didn't even care about the scarring, girl I just wanted to be able to wear pretty bras and actual get away with not wearing a bra out.

T-shirt - Tricky Ink

For anyone wanting breast surgery no matter it be to go bigger, go smaller or even up like me I highly recommend it if you can. It's changed my life: my self confidence has gone up, I no longer have hideous back pain, I can wear strapless clothing and sometimes I DON'T EVEN WEAR A BRA??? Which the sheer thought of before would have make me shudder. 

Due to the stigma around breast surgery, I have always been scared to tell people in case they would judge me. But honestly who CARES. Do what makes you happy and what you want, not what everyone else wants you to do. 

You cannot deny the immense amount of pressure we are under to even have the "right" size boobs. There is no right size, small boobs are okay and big boobs are okay. If you are happy with your size boobs then that's fantastic, I'm happy. Do you. 

I know not everyone can afford surgery and I know its not an option for everyone. But I thought I would share ultimately why my breast surgery has changed my life for the better. 

If you have any questions feel free to leave a comment, email me or DM on any of my social media pages. 

1 comment:

  1. You're so amazing for sharing this. I'm glad that you're happy with how they look now as this is what's most important!

    Jas xx


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